Practical jokes? Don’t you think we should be a little more mature than that?

Me either.

Drunks are an easy target for tomfoolery. When you have a lot of people drinking together, pranks and practial jokes are bound to happen. Particularly toward the end of the night when the marathon drinkers start getting bored and the lightweights are passing out.

There’s always the magic-marker prank. Dude drinks too much, dude passes out, dude wakes up with a penis drawn on his face. The key is to get creative with that marker. Think classy, not childish. Genitalia’s funny, but it’s been done.

At college keg parties, we used to wait until the end of the night when the keg was kicked. Whichever roommate fell asleep first had the empty keg delivered to their bed, which was often sticky and smelly with cheap beer residue.

Yes, it seems the majority of drunk pranking is perpetrated on sleeping people. Aside from magic marker and empty kegs, a popular stunt is balancing as many items on the mark’s head as possible without tipping it over. Sort of a makeshift version of Jenga using a human as the base. If they wake up while you’re placing your object, you lose! The objective is to balance the largest object as high as possible.

Then there’s shaving. Not for the faint of heart, removing hair from a mark’s body can infuriate them which can pose a health risk to you. This is when it’s time to evaluate the size of your mark and any kung fu skills he may possess. Eyebrows are a popular target; they take weeks to grow back and will make everyone who sees them do a double-take. Hair is another story altogether. You can do a lot with a pair of clippers, just know what you’re getting into.

Sleeping people and water never seem to get along. There’s something about waking up wet that is both frightening and repulsive.

Another popular college prank involves placing beer bottles under each leg of the mark’s bed. At some point in the night the bed will shift and the bed will come crashing down a good eight inches, sending beer bottles flying. He’ll never know who did it.

I’m not even going to get into pranks involving feces. It’s your funeral!